Hey guys, todays post is a little more personal so I am feeling a little nervous to share it. It’s nothing too deep, but still 🙊 I decided to write this post as I do like to share my feelings here because I do like to treat this blog as my diary, and it’s nice to reflect on previous experiences.
A couple of months ago I told you all that I was seeing someone new, but he is history now! Things didn’t work out between myself and said guy – I’m not going to tell you his real name, so we shall refer to him as ‘Joe’ for now. Well, I have to call him something and since I adore Joe Hart, ‘Joe’ is the perfect name to use. 😋
To be honest, I really don’t care about Joe and I’m not fussed that things never worked out between us. Don’t get me wrong, Joe is a nice guy, but there was just no spark between us. To start with, I did want things to head in the direction of a relationship purely because I really want someone to cuddle with, but deep downI know if he asked me to be his girlfriend and I had said yes, it wouldn’t have been for the right reasons. I would have been settling for someone I didn’t really want to be with just because I didn’t want to wait for ‘The One’. I do find it quite hard to meet people I have a genuine romantic interest in, but I’m only 21 and I have plenty of time to find the right guy. There’s no need to rush into a relationship with someone for the sake of it.
Technically I wasn’t even seeing ‘Joe’. We literally ‘dated’ for a week but we had spoken for a little while before our first date. During that time, I was still speaking to my ex too, so nothing was ever that serious. What was refreshing though, is whilst I was speaking to ‘Joe’ my feelings for my ex seemed to fade away, everytime I heard my phone ping, instead of hoping it was the ex, I was hoping it was Joe. It made me realise that moving on from my ex can be done, I just have to meet the right person, and maybe just maybe my feelings for my ex are not as consuming as I first thought. I can find myself falling for someone else and I feel good about the prospect of a new relationship.
Back to Joe – Our first date wasn’t the best date I’ve ever been on, but it wasn’t the worst. It had the potential to be great, if I hadn’t have felt so nervous and shy. I’ve learnt an important lesson here – be myself always. Next time I go on a date, I’m going to pretend I’m hanging out with a lifelong friend and feel confident and outgoing.
What didn’t help my nervousness and shyness though, was the fact that Joe finished his meal way before I’d even made a dent in mine. I felt like he was waiting for me to hurry up and finish and I felt conscious that he was watching me eat.
We made small talk and I found we did have quite a lot in common, we both love Disney! He was friendly, kind and charming.
Those lovely traits aside, he did commit the ultimate first date sin… Pretty much as soon as we started eating, he asked me about my previous relationships and then proceeded to talk about his ex (who also happens to be his baby mama, great). It seemed like he was still fairly into her, saying how serious he was with her and how it took him a long time to get over her (not that he has). A seed of doubt was planted after this conversation and the funny this is, a couple of weeks ago I heard Joe and his baby mama were trying to work things out. LOL.
That’s really all I could fault Joe for, as other than that he was lovely. Joe was nice enough to pick me up and drop me home, and he did that every time we saw each other which I thought was really nice of him. I didn’t even have to ask, he would always offer even when I said I didn’t mind getting a taxi.
Just the simple gesture of Joe picking me up makes me realise that there are people in this world who will make an effort with me and I shouldn’t feel unworthy of the effort being made. In our whole relationship my ex visited my house only two times, whereas I visited his at least three times a week and slept over often. With my ex I would always feel afraid of inviting him to come over because I felt undeserving, why would he want to make the effort to come and see me? Now I don’t feel afraid to expect love and care. I feel good in expecting someone to make the effort with me as I would with them. Relationships work both ways and now I know to never stand for anything I don’t deserve just because I don’t feel good enough. I’m thankful to Joe for making me feel confident and believing that I do deserve to be cared for.
I really did like Joe, but I don’t feel sad that nothing ever came of our relationship. We obviously didn’t have any chemistry and sometimes thats just the way it is. You have to kiss a few frogs before meeting your prince. 🐸👑 I learnt so much from Joe, my experience with him taught me a lot and I’m truly grateful to have met him.
“We meet people for a reason, either they are a blessing or a lesson” 💕