I’m not sure you’re what I want anymore.
How can I love you, how can I want you when I don’t even know you? I haven’t seen you in months, the daily texts are not enough. It’s like talking to a stranger, someone who I’ve never even met. I’ve never been interested in online relationships but now this is what it feels like. The only people I talk to everyday are my best friends, people who I see at least twice a week. So why are we exchanging texts like it’s going out of fashion? Why do we do this when it never ever goes any further?
And now I don’t even know if I want this to go further. I want you in my life, I want you by my side. But do I want to marry you? Do I want to travel with you? I’m not sure if I want that sort of future with you. But will friendship ever be enough? Will we ever find a suitable place in each others lives or are we better off far away from each other?
I love you, I think. But like I said, I don’t know you anymore. The memories we have are ones I will cherish forever. You are my first love. But there are so many beautiful people out there, I don’t know if I’d be settling with you or settling for you. But how can I possibly know anything, when I’m not with you.
I have no doubt that if we spent enough days together, I could fall for you over and over again. I couldn’t help myself, you make me laugh and smile. But I don’t know if you are who I want to fall in love with. I don’t know if I want this.
Things would have been so much simpler if we had ended when we ended.
But you’re a part of me now, as much as my hands and legs and eyes and soul are a part of me.
I never want to hurt you, but you hurt me remember? You broke up with me, you broke my heart. Why should I feel guilty now if I say goodbye to you?
If you want a future for us, you are going to have to work to keep us alive. I’m losing interest…